I want to apologize to Rob.
I want to tell him I'm really really sorry I left and that I didn't tell him how much he mattered to me when he was around.
I want to tell him that I did care for him so much and that he helped me more then he'll ever ever know.

I want to apologize to Chrissy.
I want to tell her I've been just like all those other bitches we've talked about. I want to say I'm sorry I said I'd be around and then I wasn't.

I want to apologize to Terry.
Because never once in the whole four years I've known him has he hurt me. Never once has he made me cry.
I want to tell him I'm sorry I wasn't that good of a person.

I want to apologize to Erica.
I want to tell her that I'm sorry I became one of those stupid girls who is obsessed with her boyfriend. I want to tell her how much I do care about her. And how she really is one of the main reasons my baby girl is next to me. And to that I will forever be grateful.

I want to apologize to Kate.
I want to tell her that I wish we had been so much closer then we were and that no matter what, she always made me feel beautiful. And I don't think I returned that favor enough.


And Corey. The things he said...they tore me to pieces. He brought my daughter into it and that is just someone I won't apologize for. I am sorry I wasn't around as much as he saw fit though. I'm sorry I fell in love. I'm sorry he wasn't my top choice anymore. I'm sorry I wasn't two people who couldnt be evenly spilt up into two different worlds.


I'm sorry. And I know it won't make a damn difference. But I am sorry.

Lily is so big it's scary. Before, she barely fit in my arms. She was so small I was scared I would break her if I squeezed to tight. But now...she's solid. She flows over and hugs back and smiles and laughs. Now she's a little person. And that's so crazy. And so cool. It's the coolest thing in the whole world to watch her grow and understand.


She's the best thing that ever happened to me. And I know I'm not the best mother sometimes...but I don't regret it for a second.


She is my life.


Ps. I miss Megan. I never see my bestfriend anymore =[ and it's kinda sad.

We always seemed to fit like a tight dress
You were beautiful, I was upset
Occupy my time just to get through
And try to figure out how to get you

Acoustic guitar just for you in the car
Walks in the park had you home before dark
Poetry readings and dinner proceedings
You show me something, those days they meant nothing

What the hell am I supposed to do?
I can't forgive and forget you
I can't forgive and forget you
What the hell am I supposed to do?
I thought I'd forgive you
But Now I'll forget you

I always showed you off like a prom queen
You were Norma Jean, I was James Dean
Sitting, thinking, in my bedroom
So here's a few things that I went through

Romantic movies and money and jewelry
Vacations and flowers on special occasions
Purses and lockets paid out of my pocket
Diamonds and dresses, fuck you're expensive!

What the hell am I supposed to do?
I can't forgive and forget you
I can't forgive and forget you
If you we're in my shoes what would you do?
I thought I'd forgive you
But Now I'll forget you

I can't forgive
And I can't forget
I can't forgive
And I can't forget...you!
Reach down in my chest and grab my soul
How could I forget?

What the hell am I supposed to do?
I can't forgive and forget you
I can't forgive and forget you
If you we're in my shoes what would you do?
I thought I'd forgive you
But Now I'll forget you

I can't forgive
I can't forget


[She has your eyes. That kills me everyday. I hope you burn for what you did to me..and what you're going to do to her. She deserves someone who loves her, you're a joke. I hope you know that]

Scarlett: [pleads with Rhett as he is about to leave to join the Confederate Army] Oh, Rhett! Please, don't go! You can't leave me! Please! I'll never forgive you!
Rhett Butler: I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'll never understand or forgive myself. And if a bullet gets me, so help me, I'll laugh at myself for being an idiot. There's one thing I do know... and that is that I love you, Scarlett. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. Because we're alike. Bad lots, both of us. Selfish and shrewd. But able to look things in the eyes as we call them by their right names.
Scarlett: [struggles] Don't hold me like that!
Rhett Butler: [holds her tighter] Scarlett! Look at me! I've loved you more than I've ever loved any woman and I've waited for you longer than I've ever waited for any woman.
[kisses her forhead]
Scarlett: [turns her face away] Let me alone!
Rhett Butler: [forces her to look him in the eyes] Here's a soldier of the South who loves you, Scarlett. Wants to feel your arms around him, wants to carry the memory of your kisses into battle with him. Never mind about loving me, you're a woman sending a soldier to his death with a beautiful memory. Scarlett! Kiss me! Kiss me... once...
[he kisses her]

"I love you,"
"I was just thinking the same thing. And I love you more then anything in this world. This is true love and if anyone says any different they're retarded,"


We're going to make this work.


We fight, we scream, we get angry.



But we love eachother. And in the end, that's all that matters.

Sometimes I wish I was more like you and less like me.
Sometimes I wish I wasnt as clingy.
Sometimes I wish I wasnt as gulible.
Sometimes I wish I didn't get so offended
Sometiems I wish I was still just a kid.
Sometimes I wish I could stand up for what I want
Sometimes I wish I hadn't fucked up in school so bad.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have such limited options.
Sometimes I wish I didnt sound so emo. Because it's pretty gay
Sometiems I wish there were two of me; so no one felt like I didn't care
Sometimes I wish I could say everything I want to say
Sometimes I wish I could tell Sam he's right about everything he says about me
Sometimes I wish I could tell Megan how much I envy her
Sometimes I wish I could tell Jeremy how scared I am he's going to leave me
Sometimes I wish I could tell Chris how bad it hurts that he just dropped us like we never mattered at all
Sometimes I wish I could tell Sarah that the only reason I'm so bitchy is because I'm so scared she'll turn out like me
Sometimes I wish I could tell Lily just how she saved me
Sometimes I wish I could yell at John that he has a baby, a baby who is perfect and healthy and pure. A baby he wished death upon and that as much as I hate him, she needs her father
Sometimes I wish she didn't
Sometimes I wish I could show my parents just how much I appreciate everything they do
Sometimes I wish I had more faith in people
Sometimes I wish I had stronger faith in God
Sometimes I wish I could explain why I'm the way I am
Sometimes I wish I knew why

RIP Talina Shay

I think I really officially love my life. It hit me yesterday when we were driving from Bridgewater to Menlo to get prom dresses and Sam was tickling Jeremy's neck when he was driving and Jeremy was freaking out and Sarah and Megan and Me were just laughing and then Jeremy threw water on all of us IN the car and then I threw water back at him and he just kissed me after pretending to be mad. It's things like this that make me so happy. I got my prom dress too :] Megan doesnt like it. But Sam and Jeremy and Sarah did. So she's outnumbered. It's blue and long and I like it.

I'm going to my first party in MONTHS tonight. Mommy's gonna babysit Lily-love for a few hours while I go out. I feel slightly guilty about leaving her, but it's not like she won't be in good hands. Things are going amazing. I don't really have much to say. My life is pretty boring but I wouldn't have it any other way.

01. Megan won't burp the baby because she thinks she's gonna break her
02. Tophie makes up words like "ass doodle" and then uses them in casual conversation
03. We talk about making christmas cookies in March
04. We watch Baby Einstein over and over even though Lily is sleeping
05. They help me assemble baby toys I never would have been able to do by myself
06. Jeremy stays up and text messages me when the baby won't sleep
07. Sam does funny things with his nose in the mirror and then calls US all weird
08. Megan tries to bribe Sam with Toblerone chocolate in exchange for the baby
09. Then when she says no she just steals the baby and runs away
10. Chris spends an hour putting together this one toy that he has more fun with then Lily probably ever will
11. They don't look at me weird when I dance around with Lily, if anything, they join me
12. We have discussions on why prostitution is illegal and porn isnt
13. Megan knows exactly what I'm saying even thought sometimes I don't
14. All the boys are horribly obsessed with Guitar Hero and Megan and I just mock them for it
15. They've been the biggest help imaginable these past nine months and I honestly don't know what I would do without them. I love them more then they'll ever know

Just a quick update while the baby's sleeping. Things are absolutely amazing. My life has never been this amazing in my entire life. I'm happier then I've ever been. I'm tired and lacking sleep and I have a fever right now and my boobs are killing me but I'm amazing. I have the most amazing group of friends who I don't know what I would do without, I have the perfect family who helps so much, I have the most beautiful daugher in the whole wide world. I have everything I could ever ask for and more.


Honestly, if I could wish one thing for another person it would be to be able to feel like this for at least one moment in their lives because it's the best feeling in the whole world.

Little Miss Lily Antoinette was born on March 15th at 4.01 PM at Overlook hospital. I started having contractions around 2 AM and they were regular and pretty strong. Around 4.30 I was begging my mom to take me to the hospital so we went and they checked me as soon as I got in there. I was only in labor for like 13 hours and only actually pushing for about 20 minutes. She was 7 lbs and 1 ounce and 20 1/4 inches long. She's absolutely perfect.

We walked around the block five fucking times and I was having the kind of contractions where I was cursing and squeezing Jeremys hand and we come inside and I sit down and they stop. This sucks. She's never coming out. She's just gonna chill in there for forever. I have the doctors at 1.00 so we'll see if anything has changed...which it probably hasnt because that's my luck.

Lily, come out<3

My daughter is the biggest tease ever. I've been having random contractions since 7.17 last night and they started getting regular around 2.30 this morning. Then around 4.00 I woke my parents up and at 4.30 we went to the hospital. They hooked me up to the machine and my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. They told me I was in labor. Then they had me walk to make the contractions stronger. They checked me though and I was still closed so they waited for the doctor and my contractions slowed down and when the doctor came she checked me again and told me to just go home. Apparently this stage of labor can last for days. Awesome.

I'm head over heels and it's amazing<3

My favorites are coming over. I looooove them<3

I've been waiting for 9 months to meet my little girl and now that I'm finally at the point where I can have her, she's locked herself into place and decided that she never wants to come out. And I know what's gonna happen, I'm gonna go into labor at the worst possible time. I hate not knowing when it's gonna happen. I'm the kind of person that needs to know when somethings gonna happen. Today should be fun though. I have the doctors in a little and then Corey and I are probably gonna go to the mall and around 6.30-7.00 meet up with Kulpa and Erica at Fridays for dinner and then we're gonna go see Zodiac. I miss these kids a lot and I'm glad I get to see them. I have to go get ready to go the doctors now. She's probably just going to check me and be like "you're still completely closed" and then I'll pout because today seems like a good day to have a baby :]



I want Lily-love to come out and play<3

I haven't been this happy in a really really long time. And it's not that kind of happiness thats drifting in and out and I feel like it's just going to disappear. It's like really being happy. Everything seems to finally be falling into place and any day now I'll have the most beautiful baby girl in my arms and everything will be even more perfect. It's just one of those content feelings where you dont even realize you're constantly smiling and I love love love it.


<3

Some remind me of certain people.

Dear friend! Thanks for the best years of my life, I mean that
You have been there for every step of the way and
I'm So happy to have found someone like you
Cause without you I dont know what I would do
*The Scene Aesthetic {Megan}

I miss you, I kissed you, when we layed you in your grave
I need you to believe you, things were meant to be this way...

And it's two bare feet on the dashboard, young love and an old Ford,
cheap shades and a tattoo, and a Yoo-Hoo bottle on the floorboard.
Perfect song on the radio, sing along 'cause it's one we know.
It's a smile, it's a kiss, it's a sip of wine, it's summertime...
-Kenny Chesney {The summer before Sophmore year}

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.

Sometimes you need a second chance
because time wasn't ready for the first one.


"People die in front of us everyday. But I believe Meredith will survive this. I believe, I believe, I... I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of a year and I believe that, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that we will be okay. I believe a lot of things. I believe that... I believe that Denny is always with me... and I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees, that the calories don't count. And I believe that surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy. And I believe that you are a man that made a terrible mistake marrying Callie and I believe that because I'm your best friend I can tell you this and we can be okay. I believe that even though you made this mistake you will be okay. I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive... is what makes us survive."

I am god’s gift but why would he bless me with
Such wit without a conscience equipped
I’m addicted to the way I feel when I think of you, woah
It's too much green to feel blue



Cause I just have to tell you,
I'm not so sure what I would do without you.
I know it's cold outside, but this late night's just
no fun without you and I just wanted to say thanks,
you're the only reason I've smiled in days. {Jeremy}


Mourners recite, "If I can just make it through this year," as if salvation comes in January.


She was lying on the floor & counting stretch marks.
She hadn't been a virgin & he hadn't been a God,
so she named the baby Elvis
to make up for the royalty he lacks. {John}

They're drunk on love as you can get.
Getting high on lust and cigarettes,
Living life with no regrets.
At least they're gonna try to fly.

I rather die tomorrow than live a
hundred years without knowing you

He called you pretty
That's practically an insult.
The way you look right now
You're much more than beautiful
--Edward Cullen

The boundaries which divide life from death
are at best shadowy & vague.
Who shall say where one ends
& the other begins?
-- Edgar Alan Poe

I remember we were driving, driving in your car
speeds so fast it felt like I was drunk
city lights lay out before us
and your arm felt nice wrapped around my shoulder
and I had a feeling that I belonged
and I had a feeling that I could be someone {Corey}


we will write.
not so people will know our name
but so we can put out our ideas
our thoughts, our secrects
and no one will care enough to
say anything about us.
so, we will keep writting.


You're beautiful,
Every little piece love don't you know
You're really gonna be someone, Ask anyone.
When you find everything you've looked for,
I hope your life leads you back to my door.
Oh but if it don't ...
Stay beautiful. {Megan}


I don't know the perfect conversation,
I don't know the way to turn a head,
I don't know the perfect way to prove my love,
But I know I'll love you till I'm dead.


Maybe i'm not into the idea of holding on. Maybe i'm not waiting to be chased. You give me more courageThan anyone I have ever known. I'd skydive off a plane If I know you'd be there, right beside me.



"After a while you learn the subtle diference between holding a hand & changing a soul. You learn that love doesn't mean leaning & company doesn't mean security. You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts & presents aren't promises.You begin to accept your defeats with your head up & your eyes ahead... you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans & futures have a way of falling down in midflight. So you plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong & that you really do have worth..."

but you can't judge a book
by looking at it's cover.
you can't love someone
while messing with another.
no, you can't win a war
that you're fighting with your brother.
you wanna have peace?
you gotta love one another.

Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could
-Snow Patrol

so don't explain .. cause i know
exactly what you're going to say.
big words , recycled phrases &'
the bittersweet taste of all the
the other girls on your lips. {James}

if we go down, we go down together,
cause when i said best friends, i meant forever {Megan :] }


Please remember this: Yes, you are small but you're all irreplacable and are invaluable and miraculous. Those stars don't have anything on you {Lily<3}